That is a question I get asked at least a few times a week. The answer may come easy for many, but for me it does not.
I think the best answer we could give at this point is: maybe? Or better yet: most likely.
We used to see ourselves as the couple who wouldn't have minded a dozen kiddos. What changed? The answer is multi-faceted, to say the least.
- I've had enough of labor. I wish this wasn't my number one reason but it is. Delivering a baby hurts. I know I could do it again. I just don't think I want to.
- My body has taken a beating by five back-to-back pregnancies. I hurt. I am exhausted. I can't climb a flight of stairs without being winded. I know diet and exercise plays a huge role in this as well, but I know the toll of the pregnancies plays a big part too.
- We want to be good stewards (so-to-speak) of the children that God has already entrusted to us. First of all, we want to reach a point where our plans as a family are not dictated by who needs a nap and whether or not I remembered the diaper bag and bottles. We also want our children to be able to enjoy their childhood. Our children are already limited by how many siblings they have. I cannot take them to a playground by myself for fear of losing one of them. An older child cannot attend a birthday party unless I have a sitter secured for the younger ones. This can be hard of them (and me) from time to time. I carry quite a bit of Mommy guilt.
- We want to be good stewards of the gifts that God has given us. As long as I am bearing children, I am very limited in how God can use me. Do NOT get me wrong: my primary responsibility and role is my home and the people in it. Make no mistake about that. However, I am confident in saying that David and I have by all means "been fruitful and multiplied." No one could ever accuse us of refusing or preventing God's gift of children. That being said, God has given me other gifts as well. I have a passion for childbirth education and labor support. As long as I have infants and toddlers in my home, I cannot exercise those gifts in any kind of substantial way. I would also love the opportunity to work or volunteer in the school that our children attend. As of now, I cannot even take the class on a field trip as I see so many other moms do. I love the idea of being a few years out from getting to help with those activities and functions!
I love my children. I never say "never" to the idea of more children because I don't know what God's perfect plan is for our family. We do sense, however, that my years of child-bearing are coming to an end. If God has different plans, then we pray He reveals that to us and, of course, we would follow Him in obedience. We also believe that, as Christians who have been adopted, we should be open to God's possible call on our life to adopt as well. David is adopted, you know?
The ending of any season of life is bittersweet. On the one hand, it brings me to tears to imagine life without a newborn or the idea of a newborn in the future. On the other hand, I get excited thinking about moving on to a different season and watching my children grow. And that's okay. One message that has ministered to me immensely is Carolyn Mahaney's
In Every Season of Life. I hope you'll take the time to listen to it.
I know this is all scatter-brained and I apologize. More than anything, I needed an avenue to communicate what I have been feeling (and wrestling with) since Clara has been born. These are emotions that I never expected to feel and they have been rather difficult to deal with. Thanks for reading =)
